I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
