paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
