Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
