I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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