her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
