it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
