Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
