Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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