It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?