i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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