tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...