She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick