I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.