i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.