I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
