i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
