you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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