is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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