bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
