Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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