then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
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Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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