She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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