nut hugger
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
