She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
