She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
