Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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