??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
