I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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