If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
