A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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