??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Nicole vs. Life
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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