so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize