well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
