hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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