Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
