is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
