So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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