Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize