I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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