Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
