she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize