did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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