can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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