we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My vagina just clenched in fear
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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