dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
