Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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