she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm too high and old for this...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
