i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
