I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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