My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
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We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
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There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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