and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Randomize
