you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
