You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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