How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
