Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
