I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
