By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
