I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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