Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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