I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
