Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
