her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
