i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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