absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
