you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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