I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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