i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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