we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
