Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
