I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
