Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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