my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
