If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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